Winding down-raw and real

me use.jpgAs I am winding down, rewinding  on this year. I think to myself ” What a wonderful year– yet rock bottom full & of emotions”. So much to be thankful-grateful and blessed for.At the beginning of 2017 we purchased our rehab-redo silo concrete home that needed to make livable in a week knowing it would put my husband into a position to retire soon! We made it happen in a week  .At the same time We  prepared for our daughters wedding, making many of the items,details galore .Home schooling our sons senior year. Graduation and wedding was weeks a part.Two major life events in our family. I wanted to be sure and enjoy them both. Including a wedding shower with a tea party with 25 plus ladies. Not to mention continuing the facelift on our home.Through all of this, we were preparing to say good-bye to my father in law.Greiving while still alive. Difficult to say the least.I think to myself some people do not have the chance to say good-bye to their loved ones. That was a blessing now I am reflecting and takin a deep breath .My father in law was such a hard nose man,always knew where you stood with him,he would give the shirt off his back,yet I have to admit hardest working man I have ever come to meet in my life husband is there right behind him.But-how he turned into a gentle man sharing his emotions and becoming a soft-spoken man was unbelievable to see such a transformation in front of us all. He came to our nest to visit the progress weekly,he would discuss colleges with our son,and was involved and shared in that JOY of details of our daughters wedding.He laid on the couch and would listen to what she was walking down the aisle and ask to replay it over and over..I ask myself how could one do that and know he wouldn’t be here. to witness that. I don’t pretend I understand what he must have endured through all of this. He made sure he saw the venue .read the menu, all of it. Our daughter even had him help pick the wedding dress out,as I took  pictures taken with her &  grandpa, Moment stood still as The lump in my throat stayed there for weeks.I could not even look at them for a long time ,a friend helped me by editing them.All along he wanted to know everything ,he did not have the strength to travel to see our sons college that he would attend come fall,our son gave the details and painted a picture in his head .The week he passed away he was determined to get into the car why grandma drove him to pick up his refrigerator for his form for graduation and dropped it off 5 days before he would graduate. His party was the day before. Grandpa wanted to make sure that we still followed through with it. .He was so worried about all of us..Three days later my father in law fell, our son was there to call 911,as the day became night– all of us was certain it was any day and goodbyes needed to be said. He made us promise his wishes would carried through with. I couldn’t say good bye, as my grandma said to me ” I will see you again-some day” As family came in, pastor came to pray with us  all,nurses made him comfortable, He was determined to make sure our son would graduate regardless what happen in the days to come. As visitors came to the hospital,I was became at peace knowing he wasn’t feeling pain,I sat in the waiting room and became s shoulder to lean on,to sit with & even cry with. Glad I could,when I needed my friends they were there for me.As the days became closer,our son made sure grandpa could see /hear the graduation live on the computer. Our niece came &   got it all set up for grandpa . Graduation  was over an hour away,as the graduation was beginning grandpa was aware.Late afternoon we returned ,straight to the hospital he went.Our son showed grandpa his diploma as grandpa became more at peace.As I went home they stayed. I knew I couldn’t be there,I also knew it wasn’t long.Hours later I receive “the” call from my hubby. Yet I wanted to cry, yet I smiled and thanking GOD he was no longer in pain & no more suffering. I said “thank you Lord”- he held on knowing he wanted him to graduate. Family became his world that is all that matter became the priority he lacked at times. Through this journey I shared with our kids do NOT be made at GOD-be mad at cancer .I understand that maybe hard for others to understand. YES selfishly we want him with us of course.

Weeks coming was a service for him and a wedding.I totally believe that everything happens for a reason. We were able to focus on the wedding, and  stay busy. We manage to have such a beautiful day in July, with perfect weather for an outdoor wedding. After the wedding it was time to move our son off to college 1 1/2 hours away, which was another ball of emotions .Knowing you raised your kids to best of your ability and gave the them tools to go out on their own. Witnessing your kids soaring-finding their way-making mistake (their mistake ) Is SOOO much bigger than yourself .Our parents did it to us .Enabling your kids is not healthy. Be selfish isn’t healthy. I believe If you baby your child and hold them back because of your insecurity then you aren’t helping them, you’re hurting them, they need confidence to know they can make it in this crazy  world. Besides watching your kids succeed one day at a time is bigger then yourself. They have to learn to be on their own and be responsible for their decisions. Sure  we MISS him so much everyday,  I am certain our parents missed us too. When I see what he is doing , being fulfilled ,making his path in life. Yes even listening to his mistakes, goodness I make them everyday- Don’t you!? OMGOODNESS its the most amazing “thing” to watch your child be on their own watching and knowing you as a parent did okay that’s what we prepare them for. College is some of the BEST memories-experience they will endure. You meet life long friends. Helps you get pre-paired for your BIG job. -Kind of like they are on their own part-time to prepare for full-time.

RECAP newlyweds-college student and empty nesters. YES that is correct! Everyone adjusting to their new season of life along with a life without grandpa/dad. Holidays around the corner and approaching. Through all of this, we are all adjusting. I jumped in to completing the business I have been playing around with all year and connecting the dots. We are loving our empty nest, hubby and I are putting the final details on the nest! Daughter & son-in-law just bought a home and getting all moved in! Business is getting off the ground and life is on our side ! I have to admit and be honest losing my father in law taught me to look at life through a different wind shield. So I ask you to look back on 2017 -& reflect, count your happiess thankful own your mishaps .Listen a little more, work a little less! GIVE GRACE!  Bring on 2018!

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